they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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