i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
