Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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