I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
