Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
