she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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