so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
