Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
we should paint friendship bongs
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