Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
