but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
we're making bets on your personal life
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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