i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
