Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
