i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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