Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
