i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
