after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
