Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
