somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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