That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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