i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
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Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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