I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
