how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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