Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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