i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
