Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
