dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The Olympian is in my bed
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
