I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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