end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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