At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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