Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
