Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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