So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
