I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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