I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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