I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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