well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
