i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
