I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
