new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize