epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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