Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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