I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
