Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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