i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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