I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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