Please, let me fuck your mom
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I have so many feelings about this burrito
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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