The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
