yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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