one two three fourrrrnication!
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
