Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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