I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
