OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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