i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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