help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
