Four minutes until I can fart!
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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