Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We're not piercing ourselves today.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
