i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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