i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Damn victory sex feels great
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
