a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
