the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
