no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
