I puked a lego.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
