So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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